Networking is the one thing everyone says is the key to a career, the topic that comes up in every conversation at business school, and the practice most people get completely wrong. There are a lot of misconceptions about what it actually is and how to do it without being weird. Here is how I do it, having moved to France with no network and built one from scratch over the last few years.
What networking really is
Almost every opportunity you ever get will come from people, directly or indirectly. A network is the group of people you are connected to, through strong or weak ties. Networking is building that group with intention and turning it into an exchange of value over time.
By default you already have a network. The question is whether you are intentional about three things. Who is in it. How you nurture it. How you use it. Most people are passive on all three counts.
The mindset that makes networking actually work
Networking is building relationships that give value to both sides. You do not have to be friends with everyone you network with. You just have to be on the same page about why you are in touch. Most career-changing opportunities will come from weak connections, not your closest friends.
The most important shift is going in to give first. People assume they have nothing to offer a senior person whose advice they are asking for. Not true. Most people get genuine satisfaction from helping someone and watching them succeed. If you take advice, act on it, and follow up with what happened, you are giving them the feeling of having helped someone. That is a real gift. The only way you waste their time is if you take their advice and then ghost.
Building the network
There are three obvious places to start.
School. A class of 350 people at HEC Paris is a network already. Talk to people in your study group. Go to club events outside your usual circle. Ask second-years about their internships. The density of useful people in your school is the highest it will ever be.
LinkedIn. Used well, LinkedIn is good for networking and not great for cold outreach. Write thoughtful comments on posts and engage with people’s work consistently. Reach out with appreciation, not requests. The asks come later.
Random in-person encounters. Most people underestimate this. When I was in Los Angeles I met people at bus stops, Uber pools, bars, restaurants. It is the skill of carrying a conversation and being genuinely curious about the other person. The one move that works almost universally: when someone lights up talking about a topic, ask more questions about it. People love being asked about what they love.
For the underlying framework I use, see my funnel theory of networking.
Nurturing the network
This is where most networking dies. People meet someone interesting, exchange contact details, and never touch base again. The fix is unglamorous but it works.
Be thoughtful. When you know what someone is into and you stumble on an article or event that connects, send it with a one-line note. Look at the content they create, even if it is just LinkedIn posts, and send a genuine note of appreciation. Instagram Stories are useful here too. Do not be afraid to be the person who replies saying you are happy for them.
Be the one who makes plans. Whether they live in your city or across the world. Most people do not want to be the one initiating. By initiating, you put yourself in a position most people are too uncertain to take. I do casual video calls regularly with people in different countries.
I met a huge percentage of my actual friends like this. Either they reached out or I reached out, we made plans, did it again, and at some point it became a friendship.
Share opportunities. When you come across something a person in your network can do, pass it along. You are helping both sides and being remembered as the connector. Almost all the coolest opportunities I have gotten came from someone sharing them with me.
Using the network
You have no idea who in your network will give you the next big opportunity. The people you help may not be the ones who help you back. The point is to put value out and trust some of it returns. Three specific moves work.
Ask for warm introductions. If you need to reach someone you do not know but you know someone who does, ask for an intro. You go from cold stranger to friend of a friend and your reply rate jumps massively.
Ask for help on specific things. Do not ask “what should I do with my career.” Ask for something concrete and researched. Senior people are happy to give the last 20 percent if you have done the first 80. This connects to a habit I write about in my 9 career tips, specifically coming with solutions, not just problems.
Share your aspirations. Most people keep their goals private. They cannot expect random help when nobody around them knows what they are trying to do. Share what you are working on and what door you want opened.
A note on moving abroad
If you are moving to a new country (Paris, in my case), the temptation is to wait until you “settle in” before networking. Wrong order. The settling happens through the networking. The friends, the apartment leads, the job leads are how a city stops feeling foreign. I write about that piece more in feeling at home abroad.
The big idea: pretty much every cool thing in my career came from someone in my network sharing it with me. That is not because I have a magic Rolodex. It is because I have spent years actively building, nurturing, and using a network the way I described above. You can start the same way today.